So welcome each other, in the same way that Christ also welcomed you, for God’s glory. (Romans 15:7)
This blog continues sharing stories that couldn’t make the cut of the book. Tonight we look at the wonderful Lukans among us.
Dinner Reservations and Properly Folded Towels
My friend Cathy, who is in the Lukan video for this book series, is the definition of Lukans for me. People notice how she notices them. She listens intently. And then she waits, like a crouching tiger, to connect you with someone or something she thinks you will love. She rarely misses, and even when she misses, you can see how she would get there.
I worked with Cathy for almost two years. In the course of that time, I developed a nickname for her. I call her “Dinner Reservations.” I have rarely seen someone who can so beautifully set a table. I don’t mean with silverware and fancy folded napkins. I mean she sets people around the table. All kinds of people. And she makes a space warm and welcome. Again, not by the décor. By her presence. And because she so values your presence as well.
But she recently came across a meme that said something like, “I am easygoing and welcoming. Wait, that’s not the way you fold a towel!” She laughed at the truth of it. For as much as she makes space for everyone else, she also still has very defined expectations. Those expectations, however, are still driven from hospitality. Even the towel thing comes from folding a particular way so she can fit more towels in the space she has, which allows her to know she has enough towels for anyone who might need them.
Lukans can seem rigid at times, too attached to ways of doing things and too afraid of change. But I find, if I take the time to listen to the “why” of why they do things, then the reasons they get attached to doing things a particular way is because it reflects some understanding they have of hospitality and inclusion. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t make changes. But it does mean that we should stop and listen so that we can understand what the changes really represent.
That being said…
Do You See Me?
I worked with a church that tested strongly Lukan. The leadership had invited me up to share the results of the assessments at a Sunday afternoon meeting. The pastor also invited me to come to worship and lunch beforehand. I arrived in the sanctuary 15 minutes early, ahead of everyone else. As I sat there and watched people come in, gather in tight groups, and get in deep conversation, I thought, “I didn’t need to bother with these assessments. This place is clearly Lukan.” In fact, by the time worship started, the voices were so loud from all the visiting that the organist started playing to start the service, and no one heard it!
Toward the end of the service, the pastor announced that I was there. Many people turned and looked and smiled. Several people came up to me afterwards to welcome me and see if I had lunch plans. That detail would become significant when their leadership heard their results.
As we went through the results, the church was pleased to learn that love and hospitality are their great gifts. They definitely agreed, affirming that they are the friendliest church in town. “Let’s talk about that,” I said. “Let’s talk about worship. You know I worshipped here this morning, right? I could tell you were Lukan from the minute you started gathering for worship.” Then I recounted the no one could hear the organist detail, which caused them all to laugh and nod. “Obviously, you love each other. Let me ask you this, though. I got in the sanctuary 15 minutes before worship began. How many of you all came up and greeted me, or introduced yourself to me?”
They sat there. No one said a word.
I held up my hand in the shape of a circle, and said, “Zero. None of you came up and greeted me in that time.”
One woman objected. “That’s not true,” she said. “I waved at you.”
“True,” I acknowledged. “You did wave at me and say good morning. From four pews away.”
“This is not good,” the chair said.
“Lukans, you come by it honestly. You really do love people. The struggle is, you start to really love your people. I know what happened. I know you pulled into the church parking lot, so excited to see your friend so-and-so. You were so excited to see that person that you came in the door looking just for them. You could not see anyone else even. You went right to them, got in deep conversation, and then the service started so you had to turn and face the front. However, when the pastor pointed me out at the end of the service, plenty of you came up to greet me. When you saw me, you welcomed me. You just didn’t see me for a long time, and if your pastor hadn’t pointed me out, you might never have seen me. It is perfectly understandable. But not necessarily excusable. Your great gift is hospitality and love, but there is a tendency to accidentally start focusing that love and hospitality on yourselves. You have to remember who you are. You have to remember to love and welcome others, too.”
“How do we do that?” one of the leaders asked.
“You need to train the whole church on hospitality. Train everyone as greeters. Most people need to have an encounter with 3-5 people to feel like they have been welcomed in a space. More than that is too overwhelming, less is unfriendly. Make a plan for how those 3-5 encounters will happen, and practice it over and over and over.”
It is ironic that Lukans, whose gift is love and welcome, can become closed off. But the good news is with awareness they can recover who they are. And perhaps the good news of this season of isolation and exile is that Lukans can spend some time thinking intentionally about welcome. They can think about how to make an online space welcome. But they can also plan for when they return, when more than ever they will want to huddle up and hold each other close, but also when we may see new people who have been reached by our new online ministry and now They can remember the people they are called to be. And they can step fully into being the ones who know and live as the ones who love God AND love neighbor.
Want to know who you are called to be? Take the assessment at www.ministrymatters.com/gospeldiscipleship.
Want to hear some more stories? Download the video content that goes with the books here at Cokesbury.com
Photo by Katie Moum on Unsplash